I do not like Green Eggs and Spam. I do not like them Sam I Am.

What’s with all the spam? Now, I’m not talking about the food-ish thing people eat (and yes, I’ve eaten it too while on a weeklong hiking trip. You do what you have to in order to keep going), but rather the internet spam. I won’t bore you with the “subject” lines of the emails because I’m sure you have enough of your own. It constantly amazes me, though, how many times I get the email that asks me to help Mr. ____, in Africa, to get money out of the country before the government takes it over…and if I’m a kind and generous person, they’ll compensate me monetarily.


Seriously? Do I have a “stupid lives here” tattoo on my forehead – or my email address? Wait a minute! That could be an interesting email address…Hey, guess what? Stupidliveshere@hotmail.com is available (because I checked). Stupidliveshere@gmail.com is NOT. Hmm…I think I already like the email owner of stupidliveshere@gmail.com. That person has got to have a great sense of humor.

Focus Patty. Annnnnnnnddddd…we’re back on track.

I especially like the “help-the-poor-African-guy-and-get-swindled act” when they fax their requests and send emails to police departments. Yep, they’re that stupid – or perseverant. I actually took the time to fax a response to the fax phone number that essentially said, “Seriously? Do you think we’re stupid? This fax number goes to the Lewiston, Idaho Police Department. Please refrain from contacting us in the future. If you fail to comply with our request, legal repercussions will result.” My email response was basically the same as well. Amazingly we haven't had any additional requests from Africa. Imagine that!

Spam, manna to the Hawaiian people and, on average, each inhabitant of Guam eats 16 cans of Spam each year. That’s a lot of spam – both mystery meat kind and mystery mail kind. Who am I to judge? The world needs all kinds!