Sunday, August 15, 2010

What desirest thou?

I’ve been asking myself that lately. This question seems to be popping up a lot while I’ve been reading the scriptures, and I find it a compelling question: What do I desire or want? Are they righteous or selfish desires?

I also wonder, why is this question being posed and not “what do you need?” Needs are completely removed from desires. I need to eat, sleep, breathe, etc., but what I want could be as varied as a new car, ice cream cone, sunny day, etc.

God knows both what we want and need, but do we know? How well do we know ourselves? I’ll be the first to admit that there are truths about myself that I close the door on or don’t acknowledge. What are they? Sorry, we don’t know each other that well. :-) But I have a feeling that I’m not the only one who does this. What I truly, deeply, and sincerely want are those things I find myself thinking about in moments of quiet and peace. They are desires that surface again and again as if to remind me that they’re still within me and still unmet, but I continue to shove their heads back underwater until they stop struggling and retreat until the next time I find a quiet within the storm of life.

Why do I do this? Why do I acquiesce my own wants and desires? I’m sure there are any number of reasons, but I think two reasons are:

  1. I am inherently a people-pleaser. I try to make other laugh; I do things to make others happy, even if it’s an inconvenience for me; I rarely say no if asked to do something (but I’m getting better at it!); If you’re someone I love, I put YOUR needs before mine. Is this a bad thing? No, but I also need to learn to be more selfish and selective when spreading my energies around. If I give everything to everyone, what is left for me?
  2. For the past few years I’ve been all about the work, and little about the joy. I'm constantly on the go: I do school work, I always have at least one job, if I have a “down” day I still keep busy doing stuff. I’ve mentioned this in an earlier posting, but I don’t relax very well. The closest I come to relaxing is reading a book – no, I can’t lay out by a pool, because within 5 minutes I’m bored. I don’t know, maybe I have this whole “relaxing” thing wrong. I don’t have to be idle to relax, I just have to find those things that soothe my soul and calm me down – that’s essentially the definition of relaxing, right? So maybe I’m better at it than I think I am … I just do it in different ways.
So, back to the topic of this posting, I need to think more about what my wants and desires are because, I believe, God will give us what we need, but he’s also willing to give us what we want…we just need to recognize what it is and ask Him for it. But I also have to remember the old adage, “Be careful what you wish for – you may get it!”

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