We don't always get what we wish for...

So I thought today was going to be a good day, but it didn’t turn out the way I wanted.

1. Woke up early and submitted final grades for the online class I teach – Yeah! All done.
2. Got my hair cut and normal hair color back. Yep, it’s got the blonde streaks again. It looks like it used to when I would spend a week or an afternoon on the river rafting, camping, and getting scorched in the sun. Ah, those were the days: no electronic devices, no mirrors, sleeping under the stars, and building memories with friends. (We’ll just ignore the occasional rattle snake, raft tipping and losing the gear on it, river blowing out upstream – so that the river turned into our own chocolate-looking river, someone going into a kayak fully clothed and coming out with limited clothing and an attempt at personal decency, and the fly-fishing experience when the fly caught…um, someone’s shorts and not a fish.) Yep, good memories.
3. Popped down to Lewiston to see some friends at the police department (Cindy, where are you!!!).
4. Challenged my roommate to a game of H-O-R-S-E and got beat. Yes, I tried the whole “best two out of three” ploy and she beat me twice. What happened to the b-ball skills I had from the teams I played on. C’mon. I still have the trophies to prove I didn’t completely suck at basketball. Well, I am getting older, and my roommate is younger than me. Yeah – I’ll blame it on age…but I’ve already called a rematch for tomorrow.

Almost a perfect day – blast basketball!

 

My Definition Is...

What defines me?

Growing up in a large family I was the child who was always smiling. During my teenage years I was one of the “Cady Girls” (pronounced Kay-Dee), and it even got to the point that some people just called me and my sisters Cady-Cady…so they wouldn’t have to try to remember each of our first names. But during that time I was also defined by my skills on the volleyball court and my great group of friends – friends that my older and younger sisters (and their friends) wanted to hang out with.

As I graduated and moved away from home my definition altered and I was the girl who worked for the police department, but also the girl who was a social butterfly and seemed to have something going on every night/weekend with friends from church. Years later I chucked all of that and became a college student once again whose focus became reading, writing, and design (thankfully minimal ‘rithmetic). Finishing my undergrad I became the graduate student and teacher to college freshmen…but a student nonetheless.

Now? I’m still a student, but I question whether or not THAT is what defines me – or rather, is that what I WANT to define me? Yes, there is nothing wrong with improving the mind and increasing your knowledge, but how have I seemed to let that pursuit seemingly become my defining characteristic? What happened to the girl who was the friend that was always up for a good time? Since when did I let a piece of paper (a college degree) define me?

What SHOULD define us? Is it material things or our relationships? Accomplishments? Failures? Intentions? What? Is there a right or wrong answer?

Living Life in the Good ‘ol Days

I’m sure you haven’t done this, but during stressful moments in my life, or when things just don’t seem to be going my way, I often long for the “good ‘ol days.” You know those days: when times were easier, life was more fun, everything was going your way, you had more money, freedom, time, etc. Ah…the good ‘ol days. But I have to ask the question, what makes those days any better than the days we’re living in right now?

Sure, maybe my life’s more hectic and I no longer have the disposable income I did before leaving the workforce and enrolling in school again, but are the days past REALLY so much better? Why do we spend time longing for the past when we’re living in the present – or rather we should be living in the present.

I’m pretty sure that 5, 10, 20, 50 (if I’m so blessed) years from now as I sit in my rocking chair or ride my Rascal Scooter around, I’ll look back at today and consider it the good ‘ol days. I mean, think about it. Today I’m healthy, in the prime of life, having experiences I could only dream about 5 or 10 years ago, and I’m realizing those dreams NOW. Sure, my today can suck hardcore, but I know it’ll get better, because life, and the good ‘ol days, have taught me that.

So as I continue to work toward my goals of graduation, satisfaction, completion, and any other "tion” word, I’m going to concentrate harder at living in the present instead of the past. Today is a future “good ‘ol day” and I need to treat it as such. Because, ultimately, I can’t change the past, but my present dictates my future – for better or worse – and I’d kinda like to have a future I can look forward to…Rascal Scooter and all.

Too Much of a Good Thing…

You’ve heard your parents say it. Shakespeare asked about it in As You Like It -- “Can one desire too much of a good thing?". - (Act IV, Scene I). Songs have been written about it by Alan Jackson and Bon Jovi to name a couple. And still the question is asked: Is it possible to have too much of a good thing? My answer: Yes, it is.
This week (my first week no longer working 40 hour weeks at LPD) feels like a week of Saturdays. You know how those days are – you sleep in, you run errands or watch t.v., do yard work, basically do what you want. So what’s wrong with that? Let me answer by using a Graphic Design saying: “Same, same, same is boring, boring, boring.” That’s right, I’m bored because I’ve been doing the same types of things all week.

I’m sure you’re all sobbing inside because of my boredom with doing whatever I want (insert sarcasm here). Okay, actually you’re probably giving me the mental middle finger or telling me to stop complaining, but that’s one thing I’ve realized about myself. I need goals. I need to be challenged and pushed. I don’t do “relaxing” very well. I’m not the type of person who can laze in a pool or do nothing – I have to be doing SOMETHING. I’ll admit that doing nothing is nice for a little while, but that usually only lasts a few hours.

I’m sorry to say that I can’t wait for school to start again so I’ll be challenged by what I’m reading, writing, my teachers, fellow grad students, and yes…even the student’s I’m teaching. I like the variety and the knowledge that I’m improving myself and learning something. Stagnant stinks and progress is desired.

Now, if I can only remember to recite this little pep talk to myself when life gets hard and isn’t going the way I want it to. Repeat after me: “Same, same, same is boring, boring, boring.”

Do I really "like" Facebook?

So I’ve been thinking about this thing I “Liked” on Facebook recently. It said:

Don't worry about the people in your past; There's a reason they didn't make it to your future.

I’m sure that’s true, to a certain extent, but what about those from your past who re-enter your present and are part of your future? At what point was I supposed to stop worrying about them? And, if they’re in my present now, am I supposed to make up for lost time and double my worry quotient for them in the present and past? I can see how I need to stop fretting over how I acted toward my third grade teacher or a boy I beat up in elementary school (yes, I was a bit of a tomboy-ish bully – especially if you picked on one of my siblings), but what about this thing called karma?

So Friday was my last day working for the Lewiston Police Department. For those of you who didn’t know, I was asked to come back and work for two months while the Administrative Secretary, Lori, took some time off for family reasons. It coincided nicely with my summer break from class so I decided to move back from my temporary abode in Idaho Falls to Moscow and make the five day-a-week commute to Lewiston. I wasn’t at all worried about being able to do the job because, well, I had held this exact same job for about five years before going back to school and I was the person who had trained Lori on how to do the job. Luckily, since it’s a government entity, not too much had changed. However, after a month Lori decided to come back early and I was shuffled off to a different part of the department to do odd jobs and projects for people for the remaining month. And that’s what I did: organized and scanned old files, updated training books, created flyers, gathered statistics, etc. Yep, exciting stuff.

Alright, so maybe it wasn’t the most exciting job, but a HUGE plus about the job was that it enabled me to see and meet some awesome people – again. I will be the first to admit that I am a slacker and didn’t try that hard to maintain contact with many of my co-workers from the past. Facebook is great in that you’re able to reconnect with people, but one “con” of it is that it allows you to maintain your distance if you want. It’s like when someone asks you if you're still friends with someone or keep in contact with them and you reply: "Sure, we’re friends on Facebook! What? Oh, you mean when did we talk last or have a meaningful conversation that wasn’t filled with one-line status changes and me clicking on the “Like” button? Umm…look over there! Is that Bigfoot?!"

Okay, Patty. Get to the point. What does this all mean? Well, I think it means that change is good. My summer plans did not go according to my plans, I came back to my old “stomping grounds,” and got to work with some people who were, and still are, great influences on me. So the saying I liked on Facebook (Don't worry about the people in your past; There's a reason they didn't make it to your future) doesn’t really hold true for me in this situation. I had stopped worrying about my former co-workers and moved on, but lucky for me they became an integral part of my present and future.

I know that many people come in and out of our lives for different reasons and needs we have, sometimes without our knowing it at the time. I can’t count the number of times it has seemed someone was a part of my life for a particular time and reason and then moved on their merry way.

I guess the most important thing I realized about all of this, and about other people from my past, is that yes, there are those in my past that I can’t go back to and rectify mistakes, hurts, or slights I have done to them in the bodily sense, but what I did, how I felt, and what I learned from them and the experiences (the soul and spirit) I can hold and take with me to my future. No one we ever come in contact with or associate with ever really leaves us. A part of them will be carried with me forever, if nothing else than so they can be a reminder for me about those things I did right, as well as wrong. It’s the remembering of the seeming intangible emotions and sentiments that are actually the most potent and lasting.
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Okay, I just re-read this and I know what I was trying to say, but did any of what I just said make any sense to you?