I have always been someone who tries (believe it or not) to
not make waves. I’ve never been one who strives to be in the spotlight or
wanted to get recognition. I would much rather be a grunt in the background
helping to make a success than in front absorbing the accolades.
Yes, I speak in front of tough crowds every day as I teach
college students for my job and lead a youth group of 12-18 year olds at
church. I never said I have any problems speaking in front of a crowd, because
I don’t, it just isn’t my preferred place.
Lately, this preference has really started to stick in my
brain and made me seriously consider other areas of my life that I prefer to
keep, not hidden, but rather not draw attention to. One such area is in my
religious beliefs. I am a temple recommend carrying member of the Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) – or Mormon. I’ve always just quietly
lived my religion (or not, when I’ve fallen into inactivity), but it’s never
been something I’ve really brought to the forefront.
I’ve always admired my friends on Facebook who, regardless
of their religion, proudly post what they are doing in their church, or what
great events are coming, or what a great sermon they had at church that day.
Me, I choose to post other, non-secular things. I think I’m afraid of offending
people with my religion. Silly, I know, especially since I’m never offended by
any of my non-LDS friends talking about their great churches…so I decided this
has to stop.
Now, I’m not saying there’s going to be a huge up-tick in
LDS postings on my Facebook page, but I am giving myself permission (and you
are all witnesses) to post church-related things on my wall/blog without fear
of offending others. My church is a huge part of what has shaped me and who I
am, so I’m going to stop apologizing/hiding it.
If that attitude offends you, I’m
sorry…but I still love you!
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On another note, this phrase has been going through my head
a lot lately.
“…as
we strive to live the Young Women’s Values, which are: faith, divine nature,
individual worth, knowledge, choice and accountability, good works, integrity,
and virtue."
If you’re female
member of the LDS church, odds are you have likely heard and said this sentence/phrase
many times. Especially if you attended church from the ages of 12-18 years.
As I work with the youth every week, see their struggles,
pains, attempts to do and be good, my heart breaks and my eyes leak tears. I
break and I leak because, although I empathize with the youth’s doubts, being
bullied, questioning themselves and their religion, and their own self-worth,
ultimately I can honestly say I still don’t understand what they are going
through. I don’t.
I can’t truly understand because being a teenager today is
completely different then when I was a teenager 20+ years ago. I wish I could
shake them, hug them, snap them out of their funk, or just make them truly
listen to me when I say it will get better and they are better than those who
have or are purposefully hurting them. But I can’t. I can’t because I’m an
adult and they recognize that I really don’t understand. To many of them, I’m
too out of touch.
All I can be is honest with them and live honestly. And as I
live my life honestly, I hope they understand and learn that there is one other
value I wish these girls understood and took to heart, the value of joy or
happiness. It’s not just a value, it’s literally a commandment. Jesus himself
commanded that we should “be of good cheer” (John 16:33). We are commanded to
actively search for joy, happiness, cheer, optimism, whatever you want to call
it, even when circumstances and people are conspiring against us.
“Be of good cheer” has been a defining value and principle
since I was a child, and it has served me well through the missteps and
mistakes of life into adulthood.
Any time any member of my family left the house, my mother
always yelled and told us to “be of good cheer.” Sure, we were kids and would
add “and don’t drink no beer” to the end of her saying, but even at a young age
I understood the value of her plea. She wanted each of her children to find the
good in everything and allow that goodness, not the negative, to fill our
lives.
Maybe I’m more naturally inclined to be happy and upbeat. My
mom loved to tell the story that when I was a little kid and was pulling myself
along the ground before crawling, I would army drag myself to wherever she was
in the house, look up at her, and just grin. Spastic curls, dirty face, but a
grin from ear to ear. Even today I am quick to smile. I laugh at my foibles and
mistakes daily and I truly love to bring joy to others.
To put it more clearly, the invective to “be of good cheer”
does not align itself with the “eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die” (2
Nephi 28:7) misnomer the world and Satan would have us buy into. The first
requires active participation on our part, to “be of” = exist/happen and “cheer”
is to give – be it a shout/encouragement. Being of good cheer means to look
outward and find the happiness and joy that doing for others can bring.
Being merry, on the other hand, isn’t the same thing as
being of good cheer. Being merry brings to mind a couple of different
scenarios. The first is a person having fun at a party – that’s momentary/transitory.
It requires no real effort and is solely focused inwardly on the individual.
The other reading of “be merry” is a negative one. Back in the day, “making
merry” was the same thing as ridiculing or picking on someone. Again, a
momentary “pleasure” and at the prices of someone else.
I think that’s the thing that most people forget or don’t
really understand about happiness or joy—that it never comes at the expense of
others. Any choice I make, I always consider how it will affect those around me
and those I love. I consider the ramifications and weigh those against the
momentary joy I will receive. This approach to life has resulted in sometimes
poor decisions, but has ultimately never led me astray. It has also helped me
to not allow the heartache, pain, and sadness that naturally come with life to
make me a “negative Nellie”. Instead, I actively exist and happen to give
happiness and cheer to others. I do not dwell on myself, but focus on others.
The value of being of good cheer shapes me. It affects my
words, my actions, my habits, my personality, and my outlook. It enables me
look at the bigger picture while finding happiness in the minute and small
details. It allows me to lose myself in the joy that surrounds me and is
waiting for me to tap into. It is this commandment that I value, that I hold
dear, and wish every single person, old, young (women), male, female, etc., could
better understand and value: that it isn’t until we look outside ourselves and
choose to uplift those around us, that we ourselves are lightened.
That is my long-winded spiel for today...so I ask you, what is one more "value" you would add to the italicized list above? Why is that one important for you?
